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Insight Out

Seeing beyond what is visible

Needed vs useful

By Mei Lan

Queen Corona is ruling the planet and my ego is stepping up her game.
Times like these, when life is turned upside down are the best times to meet your ego and get to know yourself from the Insight Out. 😉

Oh, forgive me for name dropping my own business here… 🙂

Friday the 13th of March was the first day of Belgian lock down and the luckiest day of 2020 so far.
I know, it didn’t feel like that for me either. Yet I am humbling myself and admitting it was the start of a great season with many challenges.

An outside reality is changing our experience of life, in the way of our plans and dreams and we might feel limited.
Hmm, sounds a lot like becoming blind…

Do not fear, I have done this before! 😉

Immediately I started to pressure myself:
“I am a coach, I should be thriving and rescueing everybody. I am a coach who claims to learn from being blind. Well, go and tell the world now what to do.”
So, instead of feeling what I truly felt – fear and insecurity – I went into should’s and must’s.
And 2 days later I was in “Why are you not…”s.

Interesting how my ego was pushing me forward way too fast to make myself useful, or needed.
I was irritated by my need to be needed and confused.
Isn’t it a good thing, in case of collective challenges, wanting to be useful?
Then why does it feel like such an unnatural pull and push of “come, be useful!”
Shouldn’t useful feel better than this?

I was trying to offer coaching sessions, looking for volunteer jobs I could do, but mainly I was busy with beating myself up that no one really needed me.
No boss was calling me to discuss how this was impacting my work, because I don’t have a boss.
No children or parents were in need of my help. Nothing went wrong because I wasn’t there.
It felt like the world could easily turn without me. My existence doesn’t matter.
So I ended up being super sad and self pittying: no one needs me. boohoo…

No judgement, by the way, about this feeling. It is just an emotion and a story in my head. It is allowed to be there and to a certain degree it felt good to indulge in it for a minute.

After my drama queen moment. I had a great night sleep and woke up with tons of action in my system.
My first client since the lock down came (online, virus free) for a session.
I started to create offers as a coach, got in touch with a friend to start a writing project, committed to a meditation challenge and took an online yoga class.

I was feeling purposeful and useful through all the different things I was doing. I felt I was contributing to a collective mindset of optimism. My coaching made a difference for my client.
The yoga and meditation were a beautiful contribution to my own body.
Yet, this wasn’t world saving, super important or didn’t involve a boss who couldn’t continue work without me. The world was still not depending on me to turn.
And yet, my energy was through the roof.

This is for me the example of the difference between wanting to be needed from the ego and needing to make a difference from my pure essence aka being useful.
When I coach I am making a difference, adding value and bring light to dark places. It doesn’t make me needed to the degree that things wouldn’t happen without me. Yet that is not the point anymore, when I do what I’m here for.
And when i do something that is needed. When my contribution is the missing piece of the puzzle, it is a welcome acknowledgement for my ego.
Both feel good and both are useful and needed. 😉

My conclusion is simple.
When I feel needed, coming from my ego, it takes a way resistance. My ego doesn’t annoy me with the pushing and pulling and doesn’t beat me up for not being needed. Ego doesn’t drag me into the drama of “I do not matter”. And so doesn’t drain my energy.
This silence of the ego is very welcome in most people’s lives. 😉

When I do what I’m good at from my essence, it generates energy from within. I source not only a good feeling, but it creates a flow.

Flow + less resistance = excelleration!

My invitation for you is to have a look at where you can allow your ego its way, so that it adds up to the conscious efforts you are doing from your essence.

Insights sparked? Moved or inspired?
I love to hear all about it!
Send me an email and use the share buttons above to tell the world!