Needed vs useful
Queen Corona is ruling the planet and my ego is stepping up her game.
Times like these, when life is turned upside down are the best times to meet your ego and get to know yourself from the Insight Out. đ
Oh, forgive me for name dropping my own business here⌠đ
Friday the 13th of March was the first day of Belgian lock down and the luckiest day of 2020 so far.
I know, it didnât feel like that for me either. Yet I am humbling myself and admitting it was the start of a great season with many challenges.
An outside reality is changing our experience of life, in the way of our plans and dreams and we might feel limited.
Hmm, sounds a lot like becoming blindâŚ
Do not fear, I have done this before! đ
Immediately I started to pressure myself:
âI am a coach, I should be thriving and rescueing everybody. I am a coach who claims to learn from being blind. Well, go and tell the world now what to do.â
So, instead of feeling what I truly felt – fear and insecurity – I went into shouldâs and mustâs.
And 2 days later I was in âWhy are you notâŚâs.
Interesting how my ego was pushing me forward way too fast to make myself useful, or needed.
I was irritated by my need to be needed and confused.
Isnât it a good thing, in case of collective challenges, wanting to be useful?
Then why does it feel like such an unnatural pull and push of âcome, be useful!â
Shouldnât useful feel better than this?
I was trying to offer coaching sessions, looking for volunteer jobs I could do, but mainly I was busy with beating myself up that no one really needed me.
No boss was calling me to discuss how this was impacting my work, because I donât have a boss.
No children or parents were in need of my help. Nothing went wrong because I wasnât there.
It felt like the world could easily turn without me. My existence doesnât matter.
So I ended up being super sad and self pittying: no one needs me. boohooâŚ
No judgement, by the way, about this feeling. It is just an emotion and a story in my head. It is allowed to be there and to a certain degree it felt good to indulge in it for a minute.
After my drama queen moment. I had a great night sleep and woke up with tons of action in my system.
My first client since the lock down came (online, virus free) for a session.
I started to create offers as a coach, got in touch with a friend to start a writing project, committed to a meditation challenge and took an online yoga class.
I was feeling purposeful and useful through all the different things I was doing. I felt I was contributing to a collective mindset of optimism. My coaching made a difference for my client.
The yoga and meditation were a beautiful contribution to my own body.
Yet, this wasnât world saving, super important or didnât involve a boss who couldnât continue work without me. The world was still not depending on me to turn.
And yet, my energy was through the roof.
This is for me the example of the difference between wanting to be needed from the ego and needing to make a difference from my pure essence aka being useful.
When I coach I am making a difference, adding value and bring light to dark places. It doesnât make me needed to the degree that things wouldnât happen without me. Yet that is not the point anymore, when I do what Iâm here for.
And when i do something that is needed. When my contribution is the missing piece of the puzzle, it is a welcome acknowledgement for my ego.
Both feel good and both are useful and needed. đ
My conclusion is simple.
When I feel needed, coming from my ego, it takes a way resistance. My ego doesnât annoy me with the pushing and pulling and doesnât beat me up for not being needed. Ego doesnât drag me into the drama of âI do not matterâ. And so doesnât drain my energy.
This silence of the ego is very welcome in most peopleâs lives. đ
When I do what Iâm good at from my essence, it generates energy from within. I source not only a good feeling, but it creates a flow.
Flow + less resistance = excelleration!
My invitation for you is to have a look at where you can allow your ego its way, so that it adds up to the conscious efforts you are doing from your essence.
Insights sparked? Moved or inspired?
I love to hear all about it!
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