Insight Out

Discovery in the dark

By Mei Lan

50 pair of feet shuffle on a concrete floor. An equal amount of hands clap on the beat of a popular 90s song. I spin around and around. I wave my arms and hope I won’t hit someone.
I keep my eyes closed although I know it is pitch dark around me.
The freedom of dancing in the dark, no-one sees me, no-one judges me. I dance for me, for the joy of being alive.

I am at the season opening event of First light in Brussels.
The concept is very simple: A group of 50 to 100 people come together and dance in complete darkness. How do you feel and dance when you know that no-one is watching or judging you? How does your body want to move when it is only for yourself you dance?

I am blind and I love dancing. Yet I have given in to my insecurity often. I didn’t feel completely free to dance my way in public dancings or clubs. I was afraid to get lost on the dance floor or look silly.
When I heard about First light, I knew I wanted to try it.
This is the second time I’m enjoying the freedom on this event. I dance my ass off for about an hour. We all sit down for a group meditation and then we return home. Recharged with joy.

But this time I went a layer deeper.

While spinning around and singing along to the music I thought:
“How awesome! The freedom of dancing in the dark, no-one sees me, no-one judges me. I dance for me, for the joy of being alive.”
Kind of the thought I expected. And then the invisible smile on my face slowly fades.
So, just for me. Hmm. No-one sees my awesome moves? No-one looks at me thinking “she looks like she’s having fun” or “I like her shoes”
No chance that someone will walk up to me later tonight complimenten my dance skills.
Oh, woops. Insecurity is gone, visibility left the building as well.
Who am I when I truly dance for myself?

Oh, wait, I know this thing called Life Energy. I can feel alive and joyful, by dancing. Let’s focus on that.

I dance, I sing, I enjoy. Yet I notice how quickly my thoughts run away into the music, into thinking about all different things. It seems I can’t stay just with my energy.
I get bored of my own energy pretty quickly.

And then the music stops for a second. I focus on my breathe. I consciously embrace my upperbody and feel, feel deeply, that I live in this body.
Very quietly, gently and carefully, my heart starts to sing a song. Almost too sutble to hear. My feet start to move, my legs follow. I dance from the inside and not for the outside. For the first time.

It was a short moment in time. Yet it left a big impression on me.
What happens when I start living from the inside more and more every day?

Follow First light on Facebook to dance with me on the next event!
https://www.facebook.com/firstlightbrussels/