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Insight Out

Seeing beyond what is visible

The self made box

By Mei Lan

Jealousy and irritation, judgement and envy. I know them very well.
My skinny and long legged female friends made me feel that way very often. Or should I say “I made myself feel that way very often”?

This morning I had a phone call with a friend and former client of mine.
She shared how she gets triggered by young, beautiful and sexy women.

While we spoke over the phone and had a good laugh at our own silly jealousy and how we talk ourselves into insecurity, I saw something very clearly.

It is through my judgement over their sexiness and expression of their femininity that I keep myself safe and boxed in.
The moment I judge the other woman, I draw lines around myself.
“She is a slut. How does she dare to flirt that openly? How does she dare to be so sexy and sensual.”
I judge. I decide that it is wrong. If she is not allowed to be sexy and feminine, then I will not go there. I give myself a perfect excuse to not step into my own female expression. I corner myself in the safe comfort zone of low profile and invisible.
If I decide that that behaviour is wrong, I don’t even have to take a first step into my own female expression or sensuality. Because, says my fearful ego, it is dangerous to show up. It is scary to express my sensuality and sexuality. It is tricky and risky to show up as a woman with all her curves and edges, with all her emotions and power. It is so much more safe to stay quietly in the corner and not step on anyones toes.
Yet, I feel so strongly, life itself does not hide in the corner. Life IS tricky, risky and scary. Yt is powerful, alive and buzzing.

So, hereby, today, I declare that I will no longer judge sexy powerful sensual women for their expression. I will not draw the lines of my own box around myself and I will show up as the sensual, powerful and flirty, playful ALIVENESS that I am.

How often do we do this? Not only when it comes to sensual women, but also on any other aspect of life?

How often do you box yourself in through judgement?
And please, don’t get me wrong, I do not have a judgement about judgement at all. This insight about boxing myself in to not have to step out of the shadows, into the light, is not something I judge myself for. I saw for the first time that my tendency to judge others is a mechanism to keep myself safe. I hold myself back of stepping out of my safe corner and comfortzone. And I trust that it is important to sometimes hold ourselves back a little. To stand in a corner, breathe and pick the right timing to jump into the light.
Judgement seems to be one of my tools so far, to give myself a break. Perfect, isn’t it? 😉

How is judgement serving you?

Insights sparked? Moved or inspired?
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