Insight Out

Coaching the coach

By Mei Lan

As a coach I of course deeply believe that everyone should have a coach. This includes all the coaches themselves.
So, I have had several coaches over the years who supported me to achieve my goals and become a better coach.

My current coach has supported me in many different processes from relationship issues to business related decisions, etc.
He also is a friend, which sometimes makes us mess with coaching dynamics.
Having a friend as your coach can be tricky shit. When are we doing the friendly phone call and catching up, joking around or celebrating my birthday and when are we doing coaching? When are we friends and when am I client and he is coach?

Today, I had a breakthrough in this area. The moment I asked him to be my coach, I had put him on a pied-de-stall. This was the man that was gonna move me through difficult processes. In him I trusted enough to look at my dark stuff.
Yet, I instantly made myself small next to him. He knows best, he has the insights I’m not having yet, he has done all the work more than I, etc. Because he indeed is a great coach, I grew in the months we journeyed together. I see that someone bringing you great insights that you didn’t have yet, does not make you any smaller and the other any better.
I am done making myself small and I see that we are equal and I can proudly stand next to him.

And what now? All picture perfect?
Not yet. 😉

My ego took a seat in the front row and had a lot to say.
The summary of my ego talk in the last 2 coaching sessions we did was:
“All very smart what you say here, coach, but I already know all of this.” and
“I out grew this coach, because I am smarter and spiritually devellopped now, so I don’t need this coach anymore”
and also “He is not that much on his toes anymore, because he tells me stuff I already know. Maybe I should quit this coaching cycle.”

Arrogance got in between us and blocked my receptivity.
From making myself small and putting him high up on his pied-de-stall, I now moved into making myself bigger and on a pied-de-stall and placing him somewhere lower.
To see the arrogance in it did hurt my ego and was hard to admit.
Yet, the moment I shared this with my coach this morning we created a new context for partnership, for equality in our dynamic and for courageous speaking and receptivity.

I am truly excited for what this new context will bring us. I am very certain that this will lead to a new layer of power in our coaching sessions.
I am grateful for my awareness and for the way my ego forces me to, time and again, evolve.
And very sure this is making me a better coach as well.